A happy birthday to Toby

Out and about earlier today, in Poundland to buy washing powder and a bike pump, then a wander in the general direction of the town centre I felt the urge to drop my back, swiftly followed by a sharp pain in my stomach which caused me to pause and rethink. "This may be a bit too solid to be a fart" was my instinctive thought. The pain increased, as did the urge to fart, so I headed to the nearest supermarket and made a beeline for the toilet. Just in time. Fortunately. What I have noticed is that, for some reason, a dump in a public bog smells 10 times more than one in your own khazi. Why is that? This was making my eyes water, so fuck knows what it did to the other folk listening to the contents of my bowels hitting the bottom of the pan. Wipe arse, flush, wash hands and get the fuck outta there.